T-Minus Two Weeks

I can’t believe I’ve got just two weeks to go! These past two weeks have been an absolute roller coaster for me. I’ve had days that I'm absolutely beaming with confidence and ready to take on the world and days where I'm scared that I'm going to fall on my ass. It's amazing how hard it is to pull yourself out of a bad day and reassure yourself that you're good at what you do and you can succeed.

My friends and family have been amazing this entire time. I don't know how many days I've just wanted to go ask for my job back because I'm scared to do this, but they've always reassured me that I'm capable of succeeding and given me the confidence to get me out of my funk. One thing that has really helped me has been a website called the Daily Challenge. They have a “Strengthening Self-Esteem” track that has helped me think through my negativity and really given me ways to help build my confidence.

I have noticed that on days when I'm feeling down, I'm more prone to write and express myself. I wish those two weren't so linked. I want to post more positive stories, but rarely feel the urge to write when I'm having a great day.

Work has been busier than I can ever remember. I've been busting my butt to wrap up all these projects and document them as much as possible before I leave. It's difficult trying to take 13 years of projects and summarizing them in 1 month. It has also made me sad. Every time I have a meeting with someone to show them how to maintain a system that I developed or maintained, I start to miss it.

At home, Kitzzy and I have been going through our budget and finding where we can reduce expenses as much as possible. We've been on this general path for the past two years, identifying ways we can cut spending and downsize, but now we're really putting it into practice. One of the things we're doing is clearing out our storage unit and selling all this stuff that has been sitting idle for far too long. That will be a huge expense off of our shoulders and hopefully a nice little chunk of change in our pockets when we sell the stuff.

On the business front, I've been doing a ton of research about setting one up. This has been a fun experience because it's interesting to learn about and (so far) seems easier than I was expecting. I'm holding off setting one up so I can talk to an accountant about the tax differences between them all, but I've enjoyed learning all this new stuff.

All in all, I'm feeling good about this endeavor (at least most of the time). I don't think it's fully sunk in that I will be on my own in two weeks. It's still something that's just in the back of my mind and it doesn't feel completely real. I still have a lot more work to do getting my feet on the ground, but it's been such a great learning experience so far. I can't thank Kitzzy and Sean enough for helping me through this. On days that I'm feeling crappy, they've both been very reassuring and helped me focus on the positives.

I'm ready for this.

29 Hard-Earned Miles

I went for my final pre-marathon long distance this morning and it was a fantastic run! Actually, no, it turned into a fantastic run. It started off terribly.

Map: http://j.mp/xrOVnj, 

Distance: 29.10 miles

Time: 4:53:11, average 10:04/mile

Before I left the house, I was in a terrible mood. My clothes were still wet from yesterday and it felt like 37 degrees outside. I was getting frustrated with getting all my stuff together for the run and I got it in my head that this was going to be a terrible run. I named this route "29 Stupid Miles" in Cyclemeter.

Within the first mile, this started to change. I got to Lake Eola and the sun was in just the most perfect location. It cast a beautiful reflection on the buildings so I stopped and took a picture. I was still in a bad mood, though and didn't post it.

When I got down to Lake Davis, just south of 408, another amazing photo opportunity arose. There was a fast-moving fog on just the surface of the lake and there were two swans in the middle, their heads just poking out of the fog. Since I still was in a bad mood, I actually got mad for not having my DSLR. Around this point, I was less mad and changed the name of the route to "29 Freakin Miles" 

I made it around several Lakes and headed north on Crystal Lake. It was pretty chilly this morning and around that point, I noticed there was frost on the ground so I stopped and took a picture of the frost. This made me happy. I then changed the name of the route to "29 Chilly Miles".

Between miles 8 and 15, I started getting really creative and came up with some awesome ideas for apps that I'm going to write after my last day at work. This really got me going and I started picking up steam and was getting pumped. I changed the name of the route to "29 Creative Miles".

I was feeling good at this point and holding my head high; the miles were just passing by. My route became "29 Energized Miles".

Around mile 20, I ran through some incredibly beautiful neighborhoods. I took a panorama of Lake Maitland near the Isle of Sicily. I then ran through downtown Winter Park and Mead Garden. Kitzzy showed up at mile 23 to cheer me on and I gave her all of my clothes that I had taken off. That was awesome :) The route become "20 Inspiring Miles".

I was still feeling strong at mile 25, but between miles 26 and 27, the pain started building. My hips and legs were getting really sore and worst of all, my hamstrings started tightening up. I did two 5-minute walk breaks to give my legs a rest, but it hurt more than running. I was so close, though and determined to finish. To end the run, I named the route "29 Hard-Earned Miles", a fitting finish.

When I got home, I took an ice bath and put on my compression socks. These things are a godsend.

This entire run was done using the Galloway method at 3:1 intervals. I started off slow, but was really able to pick up speed and ended at a 10:04/mile pace. I was really not expecting that kind of time. I think I attribute being able to go so long without pain to taking these walk breaks. When I did 23 and 26 with messy walk-breaks, I was incredibly sore much earlier in the runs. The walk breaks also gave me a chance to take a lot of pictures and write down my ideas along the way.

I really love these long runs for the chance to think. My mind has to fill the time and I get to come up with lots of ideas. I also think about all sorts of stuff going on in my life and work through them. I came out of this run in much better spirits than going in and I'm feeling a lot better about several things.

Small Goals

I went for a run yesterday and I decided to try the Galloway method. This is a run/walk approach where you run for some time, then walk for an interval, repeat. My girlfriend uses it all the time and it works well for her so I gave it a shot.

This was my first attempt using this method and something that really stood out to me is how it sets small, attainable goals. "I just have to run for 3 minutes and then I get a break."

When I am working on something big, whether it be a project or training for a big race, I tend to get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to procrastinate because the end looks so unattainable.

What I've found is that if I set a small goal for myself and succeed at it, I get encouraged to do something a bit bigger. The goal doesn't even necessarily have to be related to the project at hand, just something I can complete relatively easily.

Small goals that work for me tend to be things that help me organize my life. I'll go clean a room of the apartment or organize some photography, a never-ending task.

If I can finish some minor task from my todo list, I get encouraged to do something bigger. Sometimes I just need a success, regardless of how small it is, to get back on track.

I don't know whether I'll use the Galloway method to run all the time, but I'll at least be using it for longer runs because of the recovery benefits of walk breaks. Having small, attainable goals makes longer runs seem easier when you just want to give up.

Prelaunch Checklist

I made a big decision yesterday. I made another big decision this morning: do I stay snuggled up under the nice warm covers or do I wake up at 5am and go for a run in 30 degree weather.

One thing I realized in both circumstances is it really came down to a last minute go or no go. If you've ever watched a shuttle launch, just before launch, the launch director queries all of the mission controllers: Weather? Go. Safety? Go. Comm? Go. Landing? Go. If you're curious about the process, check out this article.

Any one of those numerous checks can stop the liftoff, and it has many, many times. Even with all of those checks in place, there is some level of confidence; that gut feeling that everything will work.

I went through a similar process all day yesterday. Emergency Fund? Go. Skills Prepared? Go. Mentally Prepared? Go. Emotionally Prepared? Maybe. My final "Go" came just 5 minutes before my 3pm goal. I didn't print my resignation letter until 2:55. There was no looking back.

Some decisions are harder than others, but only until you've made them. Once I made each decision, a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was happy with them.

I did get up to run this morning and I'm glad I did. It was cold, but it was a good opportunity to reflect on everything that has transpired in the last 24 hours. I was prepared for the cold for the most part. I could've used a better pair of gloves, but I'll just add that to my prelaunch checklist for next time.

Jump and the Universe Will Catch You

I finally did it. I jumped. I put in my resignation at my job that I've been at for over 13 years. I've been thinking about it for a long time, but I needed a catalyst to push me. It's a new year and time for changes. Over the holiday break I felt my urge to spread my wings grow and the day before work started again, I had an immensely motivating and confidence-building day.

Anything You Want

To seal the deal, on my first bus ride back to work this year, I read "Anything You Want" by Derek Sivers. The book is about his founding of CD Baby and his approach to doing it really struck a chord with me. He didn't set out to become the next big thing. He did it because he loved helping others, sticking to his guns and not taking the quick money built a faithful customer base and a successful business.

I want to do something I love. I love software development. I love photography. I love tinkering. I love traveling. I love learning new things. I love athletic endeavors. I hope one of these passions can afford me a living wage.

I'm terrified and almost tearing up as I write this. I've never run a business before. I don't know how to promote myself. I'm not a particularly outgoing person. I picture business leaders to be charismatic, outgoing people.

I want this experience to force me to overcome my fears. Ordinary people do extraordinary things everyday. It must be doable. I think I've just never really been tested. I have some very strong and inspirational people in my life and I hope to channel their strengths to help me build something successful.

If it doesn't work out, at least I tried.

As a good friend and inspiration once told me, "Jump and the universe will catch you." It's time to show the universe what I'm made of.